Prognosis
by Vintagepop
Summary: A story detailing a certain doctors feelings for a certain ex-footman. Spoilers for season 2!
1. Apathy

**A/N:** For those of you who have read my other stories, this is of a similar vein, only told from Dr. Clarkson's point of view. It has also been adjusted to incorporate events from the second series, which I finally saw a few days ago. With that in mind, later chapters will contain spoilers form the second series. Anyway, enjoy!

John Clarkson surveyed his marital bedroom and as he did so, the clatter his wife was making in the kitchen became dim and distant. The sheets were clearly rumpled and the pillows had been strewn across the floor. Also on the floor was a man's white undershirt, which was decidedly _not_ his. Kneeling to examine the shirt, Dr. Clarkson was somehow unsurprised to see it was decorated in lipstick stains of the same shade his wife wore. In short, the room told the messy tale of a debauched romp. Since Constance hated mess and disorder, John could only conclude she had deliberately left the room in this state in order to provoke some kind of response.

He was definitely having some variety of response, but was momentarily baffled as to its exact nature. John was used to examining symptoms and evaluating them in order to come to a rational conclusion. This way of thinking was so ingrained in him that he unconsciously identified his own symptoms before evaluating his emotional response. Heart rate, normal, facial expression, minimal, stance, neutral. Prognosis: apathy. John Clarkson was surprised to acknowledge that the discovery that his wife, the mother of his children, was having an affair did not affect him. He felt no anger, disappointment or regret. Goodness knows he had been unfaithful often enough himself not to begrudge her whatever pleasure she was gaining from a good old fashioned sordid affair. Granted, he had not been so blatant about his own affairs, had not flaunted his infidelities. He had considered Constance's feelings in that at least. If anything hurt it was that she had not considered his.

John sighed, knowing even that accusation would be construed as hypocritical. He had gone into their marriage knowing it would be a sham and Constance had only just caught up. He deserved every form of petty revenge she could devise and more. What's more, he was resolved to take it without complaint and lay no blame at his wife's door. Their situation was completely his fault.

Dr. Clarkson was wearing a mourning band for Constance when he first visited the Crawley's manor house. He felt fortunate, yet entirely undeserving for obtaining a promotion of this kind and being able to move to such an idyllic place. A place where he could theoretically forget the complete mess he'd made in Whitby. Theoretically he could also forget the daughter who was currently not speaking to him and the sons who now had trouble looking him in the eye. Except for Nathan, who was too understanding for his own good, but John wouldn't set him at odds with his siblings if he could help it. No, it was best to remove the cause of their disagreements. Theoretically, that was. John sighed. He knew all these well reasoned theories would fail to pan out in real life. The point was that his moving had given him a temporary respite from an unbearable situation.

The door was opened with an efficient, almost robotic swish by an immaculately dressed footman. Dr. Clarkson's breath almost caught in his throat and he was disgusted with himself. Really, those kinds of reactions to other men had started most of his troubles. Still, the tall young man with the pale face and darkly defined eyebrows that framed deep eyes was most attractive. It was then that John began to rationalise his initial attraction. It was most inappropriate to harbour feelings for the staff of someone who was effectively your employer. What's more how old could the footman who was the focus of his sudden internal struggle be? Surely he could not be much older than his youngest son? That thought certainly took the wind out of Dr. Clarkson's sails. He put the thought out of his mind and remembered to be nervous about the upcoming meeting, as the anonymous yet attractive footman led him to the library in order to meet Lord Grantham.


	2. Lust

Viewing the man in front of him, Dr. Clarkson realized he was having a very strong, emotional reaction. It was ingrained into his thought process to analyse symptoms before coming to a decision, so he internally began doing so.

He could feel his pupils dilate, and he was leaning forward unnecessarily into the younger man's personal space while maintaining direct eye contact. On top of this, he was faintly mirroring the other man's gestures and could feel that his heart rate was slightly above average. Prognosis: lust.

John Clarkson immediately restrained himself and attempted to listen to what the other male was saying. The man in question's name was Thomas and he had often noticed the man working at Downton, not a marvelous feat considering he was a footman and opened the door. However, he had also recognized in himself a slight attraction for the younger man, which had led to a staunch resolution to ignore him. Again not a marvelous feat as most visitors were expected to ignore the servants. There were several reasons why John was forcing himself to restrain his attraction, the first being that the doctor wished to maintain his good reputation among the Crawley's. He was sure Robert would find his having an affair with his footman very bad form indeed and the fierce dowager certainly had the influence to arrange for him to be run out of the county, should his inclinations come to light. The second reason was that Thomas's age was closer to John's youngest son's age than to John's own, placing Thomas rather firmly in the category of 'too young'. This reason ran closely into the third reason for his restraint which was, supposing he were to start a relationship with the other man, how would he ever be able to explain it to his children? Finally, on top of all the negative repercussions a relationship of this kind could potentially cause, was the lingering certainty that Thomas would reject him either because he was not that way inclined or because of Dr. Clarkson's age. All in all, Dr. Clarkson considered it far safer to ignore the other man.

Yet the object of his attraction had accosted him and was requesting his help in training to be a war doctor. Politeness dictated that John did not sprint for the door screaming, so instead he was listening politely and getting dangerously close to flirting. He had to shut this conversation down quickly, before he did something ridiculous. With this in mind, John rather brusquely promised to look into the matter for him before promptly exiting through the front door.

John looked into the matter rather more quickly than he might have, had it been another servant who had made the request. Once it was done however, he rather dreaded having to approach the man and inform him of his appointment. It rather interfered with his policy of ignoring Thomas wherever possible. Still, a final meeting and his distraction would not even play the minimal role in his life that he currently did. This relief enabled John to calmly give Thomas the news at the Crawley's garden party before the war was announced and everything went to hell in a rather official manner. From then on his life was so hectic in caring for wounded soldiers that he hardly had time to worry how the ex-footman would be coping with the intense training and then life on the front line. Yet he was able to utilize his limited time he had to do just that.


	3. Jealousy

By the time Thomas, or Corporal Barrow as he was now more commonly called, returned to Downton, Dr. Clarkson had done a rather good job of forgetting him. Not such a good job that he hadn't initially refused the Crawley's request for the young man to be given a position. John really couldn't afford to be distracted when so many injured men were under his care and he had always found Thomas distracting previously. When the young man returned, he found his presence yet more disturbing; he seemed older and a little less polished than he had appeared when dressed as a footman. He couldn't put his finger on it, perhaps it was the military uniform, but the newfound maturity was most alluring.

While John now had almost daily contact with Corporal Barrow, work at the hospital was hectic and he was able to put his attraction out of mind. Within a few days he was surprised to find himself glad of Thomas's appointment; the younger man was very efficient. He also seemed to have a good rapport with the other soldiers, in particular the junior officer Edward Courtney. The poor man had been blinded by gas and Thomas often read letters from home aloud for him.

As John made his rounds he observed what had been a common sight without a thought, until something made him look upon the sight twice. Something about the body language of the two men was perhaps more intimate than what was usual between doctor and patient. They sat close to each other and seemed to be discussing something very intently. As he watched, Courtney hesitantly reached out a hand and gripped Thomas's thigh. After a moment Thomas placed his hand over that of his patient's and held it there, appearing to say something comforting. Dr. Clarkson stood motionless, observing.

Closing his eyes, he counted the symptoms; a tensing of the shoulders, an inability to look away, an unexplainable anger accompanying his viewing of the sight. Prognosis: Jealousy. Dr. Clarkson was baffled at the intensity of this feeling. He had never been particularly possessive; he had hardly reacted after discovering his wife's infidelities. Besides, it wasn't as though he had any claim over Thomas, they were colleagues. Nevertheless the feeling lingered and its strength was undeniable. Looking through Edward Courtney's chart, Dr. Clarkson was relieved to see that he would be discharged soon regardless.

He wondered if his feeling of jealousy was clouding his judgement when both Lady Sybil and Corporal Barrow protested against his decision. When Corporal Barrow began to appeal the decision, he waspishly shut him down, reminding him of his inferior rank. He wondered again whether he had made the right decision after Edward's suicide, but reason told him he had. Cases like his were a necessary evil, but perhaps the convalescence home could lessen their frequency. Still, Thomas's downcast expression made him feel a guilt he was perhaps not deserving of. It seemed every interaction he had with that man became complicated remarkably quickly.


	4. Infatuation

Dr. Clarkson was not a man who spent much time indulging in idle thoughts, primarily because he didn't have time to spare. The men injured in the war were as numerous as grains of sand and they slipped through his fingers just as quickly. As soon as they were patched up well enough to stand or to function physically they were out the door. Many had now only as far to walk as the Downton estate, which seemed miraculously to have turned into a convalescence home over night. The man in charge of this new venture was of course corporal Barrow, and if Dr. Clarkson were to have an idle thought, then it was sure to be about him.

Thoughts of the footman turned doctor niggled at Dr. Clarkson constantly, irritating him to no end. It seemed he hadn't thought of his 'distraction', as he termed Thomas, nearly as often when he'd actually been present. Perhaps his constant presence had desensitized John to his charms somewhat. Now it seemed, the rare glimpses he had of the younger man tormented him.

Dr. Clarkson leaned forwards on his battered old desk and rubbed his temples tiredly. He'd been poring over a letter from his daughter Betty. The one and only agreeable affect of the war had been that as his children had come to recognise the brevity of life, they simultaneously decided to forgive their father, despite his shortcomings. All three of John's sons were enlisted in the forces and even Betty was flying planes in the women's air force. Were something to happen, he was at least grateful that they'd been able to reconcile.

It was ridiculous really, in light of all that was happening, that something as trivial as his infatuation with Thomas should occupy his thoughts so often. Clarkson had already diagnosed himself as being acutely infatuated. He recognised the symptoms as those he had observed in his children when they were teenagers and he felt quite mortified by the similarities between his behaviour and that of a love sick adolescent. As a reproachful reminder of just how silly he was being, a pencil Thomas had dropped the other day glared up at him from his desk. What he thought he could accomplish by picking up the discarded item and carrying it around in his pocket, John really couldn't say.

"I don't even know him that well," Dr. Clarkson groaned into his hands, echoing a conversation he'd had with Thomas just the other day.

He'd been leaving the brief meeting they'd had to discuss the running of the convalescence home, when Thomas had paused just before the door. "It's strange to think I've known you for years and know nothing about you," he'd observed, as though it were a passing fancy.

"I think we've gotten to know each other fairly well, working together these past few months," John had answered before he could consider the most appropriate reply.

"I've gotten to know and admire you as a professional, but I know nothing about you personally," Thomas corrected. "I don't even know whether you're married"

"I'm a widower," Dr. Clarkson had answered gravely.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Thomas had bowed his head respectfully.

"You needn't be, it was years ago," John had replied with a small chuckle. "There are greater tragedies happening in the world, currently." After a short pause, against his better judgement he'd added, "what about you? Do you have a sweetheart of some kind?"

Thomas had given a kind of scoff, "there's someone I'm sweet on, but they don't know anything about it," was his answer, followed by a few short but somewhat alarming seconds of eye contact. John found himself breaking off his gaze under the guise of a somewhat severe coughing fit. This tactic backfired on him as Thomas swiftly crossed the room and was behind him, patting him on the back. "You really ought to take better care of your own health," he'd practically whispered, due to his close proximity. "Looking after other people's all day"

"I'm…quite alright. Perhaps just a little rest…" Dr. Clarkson had stumbled over his words in a confused kind of manner. His powers of conversation had been all but annihilated by the immediacy of the other man's body. Thomas's hand began to move- quite innocently, quite unconsciously, John was sure- against his back. "Is there any way in which I can help you?" Thomas had asked in a low, sweet voice.

Dr. Clarkson turned to face his tormentor on the point of saying it would help a great deal were he to give him a _very_ thorough physical examination, when the pair of them were interrupted by a nurse. John was unsure whether to be relieved or disappointed by the intrusion, however he insisted to himself he was relieved. Sister Paula had undoubtedly prevented him from making a fool of himself. But if he really thought that, why had he invariably given the poor women the worst possible duties and the most difficult patients for a week or more?

The answer was clearly that he'd deluded himself into thinking that when Thomas had confessed he was sweet on someone, he'd been talking about him. Into believing that when he'd offered his help, he'd been flirting and that when he'd moved his hand, it had neither been innocent or unconscious. John reminded himself that he was merely an infatuated man, old enough to be Thomas's father. At his age, he really ought not to have been bothered by this kind of nonsense. He resolved, not for the first time, to put his 'distraction' permanently from his mind.


End file.
